Ever feel like you’re walking on eggshells when trying to ask for something? Or maybe you avoid asking altogether to keep the peace? It’s a common struggle! But there’s a powerful tool from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) that can help: the DEAR MAN worksheet.
Think of it as your communication superpower. This worksheet helps you structure your requests clearly, assertively, and respectfully. It’s designed to boost your chances of getting your needs met while preserving your relationships. Let’s dive into how it works!
Decoding the DEAR MAN DBT Worksheet
The DEAR part focuses on what you want to achieve in the interaction. D stands for Describe (the situation objectively). E means Express (your feelings). A is for Assert (what you want or need). And R is for Reinforce (explain the positive outcomes of them complying).
Now for the MAN side, which focuses on how you approach the interaction! M stands for Mindful (stay focused on your goals). A means Appear Confident (even if you’re nervous!). And N is for Negotiate (be willing to give and take). Its all about respect and collaboration!
Let’s say you need your roommate to do their dishes more often. Using DEAR MAN, you could say: “I’ve noticed there are often dishes in the sink (Describe). I feel stressed when the kitchen is messy (Express). Could you please try to do your dishes daily (Assert)? It would make our shared space much more pleasant (Reinforce).”
Remember the MAN part: stay calm and focused on the issue. Avoid getting sidetracked by past grievances. Speak clearly and maintain eye contact to appear confident (even if you feel shaky inside!). Be prepared to compromise if needed to reach a solution together.
The DEAR MAN worksheet isn’t a magic wand, but its a fantastic framework. It helps you organize your thoughts and approach difficult conversations with intention. Practice using it, and you’ll likely find your communication skillsand your relationshipsimprove significantly.
Ready to start flexing your communication muscles? Find a DEAR MAN worksheet online (there are tons of free templates!), and start practicing with small requests. The more you use it, the more natural it will become, helping you navigate challenging conversations and get your needs met with grace and confidence!
